Backblog from May 7, ’07 1:06 AM
After watching Spiderman 3, I took the subway heading home. I got on a train, put my earphones on, and drowned out the world to the beat of Nouvelle Vague. Trying to be nondescript as I didn’t want to make eye contact with anyone, I had my hoodie on with my bag close to me looking straight ahead at my reflection on the window. There was a sense that I did not want be bothered. I’m beginning to get the whole New-Yorker-subway-act down pat.
Then I look up, I look around me, and I see the majority of the passengers also had their earphones connecting their ears to some artificial sound attempting to sweeten the usual subway ride. I was not alone. We were all trying to drown out the world around us… choosing only that which we wanted to hear.
Life is a lot like that… Just as the earphones come in handy when something noisy or unpleasant surrounds us, our mind has the capacity to tune us out from our problems, from society, from reality. It seems that, just like people in the subway, everyone has different thoughts circling their head, and each one has a soundtrack for their life that resonates with the emotions, frustrations and memories each one has accumulated.
People who have too much noise in their head find it difficult to achieve peace through silence. The ability to come up with a thought in an instant becomes a bane in someone’s psyche when all that is really needed is some quiet alone time.
This is my problem. I think too much… much too much for my own good. Sometimes, I find myself wide awake while the sun starts rising, and then I know I’ve lost the battle with sleeplessness. What do I think about? Sometimes specific things, other times general questions about life. More often than not.. It’s about why I can’t stop thinking for one frigging second.
Looking back on my subway ride home… I realized I wasn’t the only one who felt like drowning the world with the soundtrack of my life. Everyone wants to be surrounded by our life, the sound, smell, feel of it. While we are bombarded with choices and options and material things, it has always been our inherent need to uncover the tangibility in the intangible. People might have different thoughts, but each of us is interconnected through our quest for balance; emotionally, spirituality, mentally and physically. When one is out of the picture, a sense of incompleteness resides in the void that was created by its absence. There is no need until you know something exists… Until then, we keep drowning in our internal headphones until we realize that the noise that surrounds us is not noise, but our life speaking to us.