This is the third installment from my overly contemplative stage. Part one and Part two were pretty deep, so if you’re not the type who likes being confused and confronted with some philosophical shtuff then please, keep reading my other cute food blogs. This was during my self-searching days aka 2007. Some friends have been fans of my writing even before I decided to commit myself to writing about my other passion which is travel and food. One friend in particular, admits that he prefers my old posts about life and the in between, the intangible, the inexplicable. Well, deal with it. TOT is staying put.

As odd as this sounds… I had to wait an entire day to say my piece about this piece… It is something everyone must understand and will definitely ponder about. And in my extremely inebriated state (aka drunk beyond belief after a regular night out in the Big Apple), I will attempt to relay what has been killing my brain…

It’s about the connection… the human touch.. and the need to belong. It is one of the universal truths, as I was told, but I’ve never really dwelt on it until it was lambasted to my face very recently. Apparently everyone feels the need to belong.

My roommate C said it right: in this day and age when technology has pampered us with convenience and “up to the minute” updates, more and more people are in need to just be heard… to be understood.. and to be accepted. The movies “Lost in Translation” and “Babel” said it all without actually saying the words outright. There is a force that drives us all closer together… yet it is inexperience and fear that draws us apart. It is as if we are scared to accept what is coming our way… because we feel we might not be worthy enough to take it.
Everyone is looking for a connection. A connection can be so simple.. such as getting a joke, or laughing at the same time. It could be as enigmatic as giving up and settling for “what’s out there” for fear that you are just too optimistic and old-worldy for this life, then suddenly hearing someone say to you in words what you have been painstakingly trying to rekindle in your mind. That is the connection everyone wants to look for.Have I seen it?

I have felt it? In many ways and on many occasions. The problem with feeling the connection is not what “it is,” but what it implies. Everyone wants that spark. For some people, that is the ultimate goal. Still, people must understand, the spark lights the fire but it is up to you to keep it burning. Most are not even ready for the spark because they are so caught up in the midst of fighting the flame that more effort is spent  fanning it than striking it.

When you “fan the flame,” you build something up as more than it actually is, rather than concentrating on the beauty of the reality. A really close person and I were discussing relationships one night. Such person told me that he used to settle, to which I said “the problem with settling is you think you are doing the other person a favor, but in reality when you settle the other person knows exactly what you are doing”

We settle because we feel that our values constitute such a tasking effort that cannot remotely be understood by another person. In thinking that we ask for too much, we settle for too little in hopes that the difference makes up for the lack of companionship brought upon by our beliefs.

I believe in what I believe… I have faith in the connection. But there are some people who just want to ride the wave with you, tell you they are on the same page when in actuality, they are really just coasting. In the end it will come out that, truth being, they want to see things the way you do, but they cannot and never will. So it is up to us if we are willing to settle and, in the process, get squeezed of  all the emotion which is actually reserved for someone who gets it just like we get it.
I’m all about the connection; some people get scared by it. In this day and age when we are all supposed to be more in touch with people, closer through technology and more accessible to contact, admittedly I have become more detached, less personal, and highly unreachable. Blame it on the City, blame it on me. I feel people just need to do things the old fashioned way: talk to someone, get to know them and understand who the person is behind the multiply/myspace/facebook page. Inasmuch as I present myself in “public”, there is little to be said about my private life… my thoughts, my values and my being.As much as people want to be “understood”, it becomes overwhelming once a connection is established. Because, now what? What to do with this? A connection tells you there is hope and something deeper that, if pursued, could materialize into something greater. Or ever worse, something real. Everyone wants something real. Not everyone admits to this, but most people would rather hide behind their facade and made up profiles than be caught dead without some armor to guard them. I believe it is in our most vulnerable state that we must become accepted, by someone willing to take the leap, because those are the moments that require nothing more than true appreciation for the person we’ve become, and the realization that we are most attractive when we are uninhibited.

Online pages show the world how we live, what we like, where we’ve been, what we think… It will never explains why we exist. And never what we feel. We can try, but only people who have that connection will understand it.

This is the book I never read
These are the words I never said
This is the path I’ll never tread
These are the dreams I’ll dream instead
This is the joy that’s seldom spread
These are the tears… the tears we shed
This is the fear
This is the dread
These are the contents of my head
And these are the years that we have spent
And this is what they represent
And this is how I feel
Do you know how I feel ?